I'm a little glowing friend

I've gotten out of practice, again, it seems. I had a great time at Rose's on Monday. It was great to sit and talk grrlie talk. The Doctors appointments went well. Pharmacopia doesn't seem like that bad of a place to live yet. I just don't want to live here forever. The Dentist stunk, as only Dentists can. What made me feel awful (besides the two gaping holes in my teeth) was the fact that today at work Britt ended up pulling 11 teeth out of this old Maltese. So very glad that human dentistry has evolved beyond that. Dog dentistry has too, actually. However most owners won't pay for it. Money's tight. It's hard seeing people have to make hard choices just because they cannot afford to treat something. But, I am reminded, we cannot save them all.

With that in mind, here is a little squirrel friend we made while in Yosemite in May of '08. He was going to defend that stump, no matter what!

I'm your only friend I'm not your only friend But I'm a little glowing friend But really I'm not actually your friend But I am Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch Who watches over you Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul I have a secret to tell From my electrical well It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells So the room must listen to me Filibuster vigilantly My name is blue canary one note spelled l-i-t-e My story's infinite Like the Longines Symphonette it doesn't rest Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch Who watches over you Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul I'm your only friend I'm not your only friend But I'm a little glowing friend But really I'm not actually your friend But I am There's a picture opposite me Of my primitive ancestry Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free Though I respect that a lot I'd be fired if that were my job After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts Bluebird of friendliness Like guardian angels its always near Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch Who watches over you Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul (and while you're at it Keep the nightlight on inside the Birdhouse in your soul) Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch (and while you're at it) Who watches over you (keep the nightlight on inside the) Make a little birdhouse in your soul (birdhouse in your soul) Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch (and while you're at it) Who watches over you (keep the nightlight on inside the) Make a little birdhouse in your soul birdhouse in your soul) Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul - Bird house in your soul, TMBG

Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression

Nothing witty today. Just a sense off loss. Actor Ricardo Montalban died today at the age of 88.

“To the last, I will grapple with thee. From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee”

Who knew Herman Melville was so forward thinking?

A dawn obscured by slight sky raining

Well, I did it. I made my first bento. Not real pretty. Not real fancy. But it is Bento-esk. I don't know if I can honestly call it an ongiri - It's more of a mooshed together rice ball, surrounded by celery Kinpira, carrot/parsley sesame salad, and 3 pot stickers that were in the freezer. Oh, and the apple. At least Brody was interested in counter surfing for it.

sleep walking through the all-nite drug store

One of my favorite lines from an Ani DiFranco song. And it so aptly describes my life at the moment. I've been struggling with depression for quite some time, trying to deal with it on my own. And failing. Tim sometimes asks me what I think my good qualities are. Undeniably, I answer failing and sucking. Not the literal act of sucking. Rather the inability to do something well, kind of sucking. And so I've sought help. I can't keep living like this, hating myself, hating what I do, or don't do... So I join the land of Pharmacopia. They assure me it won't hurt. Rather reminds me of the "Comfortably Numb" song from Pink Floyd. Odd how I relate songs to my emotional state. That someone else could express what I'm feeling better than I can. Well, rather than whine and complain about my life here's the picture of the day. Tim and I on Pfieffer State Beach, Big Sur. May 2008. It was so much fun! And now the rest of the Ani song Superhero.

sleep walking through the all-nite drug store
baptized in fluorescent light
i found religion in the greeting card aisle
now i know hallmark was right
and every pop song on the radio
is suddenly speaking to me
art may imitate life
but life imitates t.v.
'cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and let's just say that things look different now
different in so many ways

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

if i was dressed in my best defenses
would you agree to meet me for coffee
if i did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
would you still know which one was me
if i was naked and screaming
on your front lawn
would you turn on the light and come down
screaming, there's the asshole
who did this to me
stripped me of my power
stripped me down

i used to be a superhero
no one could hurt me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
and don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing

i used to be a superhero
i would swoop down and save me
from myself
but you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

Let's try this again!

Alright, let's try this again. I've been told to keep a journal, diary, blog... or something :) in order to express myself. Or something. I find that I don't really have much to say at the moment. Other than I'm having a personal crisis. But I'll have to work that out on my own. I guess. So since I have little to say here's the picture of the day!
Mum and I getting ready to kayak down the Wisconsin and Mississippi Rivers at the Wyalusing State Park. (Thanks Rose for taking the picture!)