sleep walking through the all-nite drug store

One of my favorite lines from an Ani DiFranco song. And it so aptly describes my life at the moment. I've been struggling with depression for quite some time, trying to deal with it on my own. And failing. Tim sometimes asks me what I think my good qualities are. Undeniably, I answer failing and sucking. Not the literal act of sucking. Rather the inability to do something well, kind of sucking. And so I've sought help. I can't keep living like this, hating myself, hating what I do, or don't do... So I join the land of Pharmacopia. They assure me it won't hurt. Rather reminds me of the "Comfortably Numb" song from Pink Floyd. Odd how I relate songs to my emotional state. That someone else could express what I'm feeling better than I can. Well, rather than whine and complain about my life here's the picture of the day. Tim and I on Pfieffer State Beach, Big Sur. May 2008. It was so much fun! And now the rest of the Ani song Superhero.

sleep walking through the all-nite drug store
baptized in fluorescent light
i found religion in the greeting card aisle
now i know hallmark was right
and every pop song on the radio
is suddenly speaking to me
art may imitate life
but life imitates t.v.
'cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and let's just say that things look different now
different in so many ways

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

if i was dressed in my best defenses
would you agree to meet me for coffee
if i did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
would you still know which one was me
if i was naked and screaming
on your front lawn
would you turn on the light and come down
screaming, there's the asshole
who did this to me
stripped me of my power
stripped me down

i used to be a superhero
no one could hurt me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
and don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing

i used to be a superhero
i would swoop down and save me
from myself
but you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else