Monday, March 20, 2006

As the World Falls Down

Mount Doom... That's my theme today.
Ever have one of those weekends that you think may define your life, but it doesn't. Not really. Actually it's only been two days, but both of them have left me with my jaw hanging open and a sense of foreboding and dread just twisting my gut. I've had a really horrendous sickness. I missed most of last week for work. And while that might pinch my pocket book, what I really worry about is my field service time. But then again, does that really matter? Not anymore I guess. I'm having MAJOR issues with the service committee in the congregation. And while I've been counseled by some very close trusted friends to leave this hall - it just feels wrong to pick up and move congregations. But Tim keeps reminding me that we really have to think of our spirituality first and foremost. It just feels like defeat. And it is. And I really hate losing. Anyhow, the sucky two days - I'm chit chatting with a sister after the meeting on Sunday and find out that a brother in our bookstudy just up and left the truth last weekend. The family was away and when they came back all of his things were gone. He's not returning phone calls, and says he doesn't want anything to do with the truth right now. My reaction was NO WAY! He gave a public talk at our hall 2 weeks ago! He was a ministerial servant and auxiliary pioneering. And *snap* just like that he decided to walk away. I just can't believe it. It just makes my gut do a 280 degree twist.
And this morning on my way to work I went past Adventure Games Plus and they're closing. That's like a major landmark for me. That was my introduction to gaming before there was Tim in my life. I'm sure that our group will still get together and play BattleTech and 40K... But it was "the store" Significant amounts of time was spent there - both Tim and I. I just can't imagine it not being there. I know that there is an AGP in Waukesha, but, well... That's Waukesha, and NOT "the store." I just can't believe how much this last week has sucked. Not just the last week, more like the last year. And it's not the marriage thing... I've really been enjoying most of that. It's everything else. The mold in the other apartment, Ben Rubach, well... You know, everything. Life sucks.
It sounds really pessimistic, but I almost wish that I'd die and just wake up in the new system. I really don't know how much more we're all expected to take. I know we're deep in the end of this system of things. But I'm just tired.
What a sad thing to think on the first day of Spring. I'm supposed to be happy and excited that the sun is coming back and it will be warm again. Somehow, that isn't helping this year.


abz said...

ur never gonna get dealt more then u can handle dawn, seems unbelievable at times....i know, but its true. trust ur friend abby, shes a cool dudette and trying to help u out. and as for halls. if i stayed were i'm assigned to go i don't know if i'd even be in the truth, i would, but not well at all. u need to do what u need to do in order keep urself okay in this system of things. call me when ur healthy..even if ur not.